My mom died on August the 11

Choices choices, everyone always talks about choices and never about the fear and uncertainty that comes along with.



So I’m wondering…When your at the top of a hill with all of the world pushing at your back…do you go slowly? Do well in they’re eyes and tear your self down in the making…



Or do you let go and tumble down the hill, failing quite a lot and landing in a painful heap…letting go and falling apart in all the tragic bitter glory of a break down…



What to do what to do

One day I'll float away

One day the bleeding wont stop

One day I will see the fleeting moments

One day I'll wake up cold

oh life life life life life...

I am so sorry to disappoint you like this...

but I'm afraid you cannot break me by attempting to burn holes through me with every painful glare.

I feel so pointless being here…always so scattered. I feel as if I retain nearly nothing from my classes…I am simply going through each annoying motion.

When I am notified of an upcoming project, I feel nothing like you would expect…no pressure or hurry, no anxiety or ambition to do well…only a blur of acceptance.

Acceptance that the due date will eventually come…that I will or will not turn something in…and that it will eventually be over.

I’m not sure if this is how I want life to continue…its as Spike said “This is a dream I never wake up from” I don’t know whether to wake up now and live with eyes open, squinting in the light. Or just to continue on enjoying the dream, living as an observer…Eyes closed, yet seeing more…because in a dream your not afraid to look around.

Its 12:30 in the morning

and I don't know what to do with myself

I'm frusterated that I never got a break